I've had a bit of a battle going internally, trying to catch the shoe strings of a life's purpose or better said my life's passion, pertaining mostly to my work, with a "who am I, what am I half way good at?" on the side. Although I will continue to grow as both a husband and father, I'm pretty set on that side of the balance. I'm married to a Goddess and we have a little awesome monster running amuck in our square foot challenged home. To date I've continued to find frustration in the place of answers for my work.
A close family friend once mentioned, "You have to shut up for a second so you can hear the answer." These words consistently return when I find myself locked in my own head, trying to figure something out, but most of the time I have a very hard time accepting and taking the advice.
On December 14th, 2012, we unexpectedly lost my Uncle Tom.
Thoughts of "figuring it out" have ceased, my mind now wandering through the dimly lit and lonely streets of a small town just released from the grips of a show stopping blizzard. It's quiet and with the snow covered pines yet to relinquish the flakes at rest on their shoulders, I honestly feel I can hear silence. Nothing beyond my family and friends now matters.
My Uncle Tom was an artist and unique soul, one who was able to take the simple words I wrote on our wedding website and turn them into an Illustrated guest book, hours from Kari and I saying "I do"and who found "Oh....MY.....GOD" wow moments in life's every nook and crany. To put it simply, with every joyous moment Tom found it was as if he was having fun for the very first time.
With Tom's sudden departure from this world and the heartbreak in my chest, thoughts immediately turn to my stepdad and my uncles. If I feel like this, how the hell are they dealing with the loss of their brother? What kind of pain is that? How do I help?
Between the news on Friday and saying our goodbye's the following Tuesday, stories were told, tears fell and heartfelt laughs were shared. Tom's days on this earth and his ability to live between sleep and awake are to be celebrated. In the throws of grief I heard various pleas, statements and questions alike, most around where we go from here, one in particular stood out, "do I live the rest of my life in honor of Tom?"...
Yes. Yes you absolutely do. Do you replace your purpose with his or relinquish yours? No, but hell yes do you live in honor of his spirit, his love and his now eternal "whooooaaaaa!" He is a part of us, for some more than others. We will do right by his memory and we will live in this very moment and will do so with each of the following we are blessed with.
I love you Uncle Tom. My promise to you is I will find my passion, in my family, my faith and my work. I will work everyday to be present, to live every moment and to do good.
-dp
"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting" - Peter Pan
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